Sexual Objectification

I was sitting at my laptop when Daddy busted into my room informing me that I would be servicing his friends today. I was instantly nervous because this had been something we had been discussing lately, but I did not actually think Daddy would go through with it. Daddy could tell I was nervous, but I know he wasn't going to let me back down. He pulled me up from the bed by putting his large hand around my neck.

Then Daddy took out scissors and began cutting my clothing off in very quick movements. He stuck my paci in my mouth to alieviate my nervousness and put me in the right mindset. He kicked my ankles apart and slipped a collar around my neck. Daddy hooked a leash onto my collar and put his hand on my shoulder pushing me down, making me drop to my knees.

"Crawl, whore," was all that Daddy said.

I was nervous, trembling with fear and anticipation. I crawled over to Daddy's room, right before we went through the curtain to go into his bedroom, he placed a blindfold over my eyes. I wasn't even going to have the privledge of seeing the people I would service. I had no idea who was there or how many people would be there. In my mind, I imagined several men standing around with their cocks out ready to use me like the dirty whore I am.

I could hear Daddy taking off his belt, unzipping his pants, and I knew it would be time to service him. He took my paci out and stuck his cock in my mouth. I could feel it getting harder, as I sucked and bobbed him into an erection. He grabbed up my leash and lead me over to the bed where he told me to get up.

I got up on the bed, and he began tying me into the hogtied position. While Daddy was tying me up, I felt fingers probing my holes and spreading my already dripping pussy lips. The fingers were cold, as in these are no emotion or passion in the fingers. They were stoic. This was not about me. I wanted to cum then and there.
"The whore will do," the cold voice said.

A body moved in-front of me. The body smelled really good, very sweet. I wondered what type of cologne this man was wearing. I felt something hit my lips. It was phallus shaped. I took the cock in my mouth, and I tasted silicone in my mouth. For a moment, I thought it was a condom when I realized it was a strap-on. There was a woman in-front of me!

She grabbed my hair and began shoving and gagging me down her cock, while the fingers in back proved some more, and I felt Daddy lubing up my ass. This made me shiver because anal was new to me, but I was going to be a good whore and take it.

The lubing and probing stopped. The woman in-front of me got up off the bed and went behind me. She slowly pushed her cock into my ass, feeling like I was being spread apart so wide, moaning and groaning, wanting to cum but no one was giving me permission. I was just an objects, and objects don't feel much of anything, especially pleasure. It was agony. It was driving me deeper and deeper to subspace, a sweet and painful place.

The woman slowly pushed her cock into my ass until it was all the way in, where she stopped for a moment. Someone began caning my ass and back side side while the woman slowly went and out, gradually picking up the pace. She fucked me like this for who knows how long, while the other people beat my backside. It did not take long for the tears to come.

It did not take much longer for my ass to be opened very wide and for my cunt to be dripping all over the bed. Then there was a cock rubbing all over my face, all in my tears. I cried more. Then a hand, my Daddy's hand, reached in between my legs. Daddy began rubbing my little clit in a very stroking manner. He was trying to calm me down.

It worked. I stopped crying as much. After all, they did not want me to melt so quickly. They still had plans for me. Every gesture was like this, all about them. Even though some of it appeared that they gave a damn about me, I knew I was just their whore right now.

The woman stopped fucking my ass and disconnected the dildo from her harness, leaving the dildo shoved up my ass. That's when the guy rubbing his cock in my tears moved from the front of me to the back of me, put a condom on and began slowly but firmly pumping in and out of my dripping cunt. The woman came to the front of me and buried my face in her soft velvet pussy. I began sucking, licking, kissing while the man behind me pumped in and out good and hard, hitting and bruising my cervix. I wanted to cry and sob in pain, as he grabed and smacked the welts on my back.

I could not moan or groan because I had to service the pretty pussy in-front of my face. I just had to take it. I was their object, their whore. It didn't matter what I wanted. I'm not sure how much time passed, but the woman in-front of me and the man behind me came simotaniously. It was hot. I felt full of cum already, but I knew I hadn't got Daddy off yet.

I felt Daddy spread my cheeks apart, and his cock press into me, my favorite cock. This was the cock I enjoyed worshipping. Daddy grabbed my hips and then my breasts as he thrust deeper and deeper into me. Eventually, he exploded inside me while he was pulling my hair and getting as deep as anyone could.
Daddy pulled out and began taking off my rope. I wanted to cry. This was signifying the end of the scene, and I still hadn't cum. After Daddy was done with taking off the rope, he reached in between my legs and jammed two fingers up me.

"Cum", Daddy said.

I squirted all over the place, just gushing and crying. I was screaming, "thank you, Daddy", as I was cumming. Then Daddy got up, through a towel at me, and said "clean yourself up."

Getting back to the basics.

I don't know why it took me THIS long to respect Daddy. It shouldn't have. I have no excuses, but I do have several thoughts about this. I think there was something about finding my dominant side. I think I needed to explore that side of me, and it just felt awkward trying to balance the two. It seems like over night I became a bottom and lost all things slave and submissive in myself. Could be that I had never dealt with bottled up emotions that Daddy allowed to be freed. It really could be anything. What matters is that I lost it, and I've been treating Daddy like shit for the past year, maybe a little longer.

I'm not sure what happened in recent events that really triggered something in me to change. It could be that I realized that I was only trying to change Joell into my Dad because I have "daddy issues". It could be the words "You're only submissive when it's easy or convient for you." that really hit home for me. It could be the fact that even after I have done everything I have done, and even though I have torn-up his house and got in his face, and he said for a fifth time that he was absolutely done with me.... even after all that he is giving me yet another chance.

I have put this man throw the ringer. I have done so much shit to him. I have got in his face. I have punched him. I have bloodied his lip. I have punched him in his own house in-front of 50 or so of our friends. I have busted in on him and a date and called her a piece of ugly trash. I've chased away several of his relationships. I have made him lose money. I've fucked up a car of his. I have done everything but kill him. (Wow, I can't believe I'm admitting all of this)

And here he is... giving me another fucking chance. As if I even deserve that! I have been SO horrible to him when I shouldn't have been. He in no way deserved any of that.

It's stupid but all this time I know this was all my way of putting him through test after test. This was my way of putting a wall up because I was afraid of him leaving me first. Because that's all everyone in my life has ever done! They have left me when things got too hard. The people I was suppose to trust growing up hurt me.

I grew-up a robot, emotionless. I didn't want to feel so I numbed out. Joell came into my life at my lowest and saw some kind of potential in me when no one else did. Joell let me be myself. Joell allowed me to feel again. Joell allowed me to be ME.

So, all of these things have finally come into place for me. So, what does it have to do with my submission? Well, now that all of these realizations and all this growth is figured out, and I'm finding ways to deal... Now that it's out of the way... I'm ready to be his submissive. I'm ready to show him respect and devotion. He has more than earned that. I can only hope that I can show him I'm worthy of his ownership that I one day hope to gain.

Recently, aside from the few days I was sick and bitchy, I started being submissive toward Daddy. Honest-to -goodness submission. No pretend play-time, no fantasy-novel bullshit. I have bit my tongue, when at times I would normally rant, rave, bitch or protest. I have been ending every statement or question with Daddy or Sir and correcting myself when I didn't. Then apologizing. It is all genuine and things I am doing on my own. I wait and kneel by his chair when I'm waiting to speak to him. I am quiet and do not disturb him. I am listening to what he says and apologize for hesitating. I have expressed thankfulness and gratitude when he has rewarded me or acknowledged my good behavior.

I know these are things he wants because he has always asked for them, and I have always just been defiant and said no. I know these are things he wants because of the rewards I've been receiving. I am doing this. This is what I want. I am not allowing myself to fuck it up anymore.

Writing Assignment

Five things I like about myself:
I have always liked that I have such a giving heart. Not only do I love that I have a giving heart, I like that I can give without expecting anything in-return. The feeling I get from giving my time or gifts or volunteering is enough for me. It makes me feel like I made a difference.

I like my strong will. I never give-up. Sometimes I start to give-up, but then I dust myself off and get right back on my feet. I am always striving to obtain my goals, even if they seem unobtainable.

I like that I am a very social and outgoing person. This makes me very happy with myself. I am always surrounding myself with people, and I love that I have a lot of really great friends because of it.

I like my confidence. I think having good confidence is great for a person all around. So, I also like that I'm beautiful.

I love that I can connect with almost anyone I meet. I have many interests. So, I can always find something I have in common with anyone. It makes me a great people person.


5 Things I want to work on about myself:

I am in the process of losing weight. I want to lose some more. This is not just a physical thing, but it makes me feel better about myself to lose a few more pounds and tone-up some more. A better confidence promotes a better perspective on life and better attitude.

Also, I would like to work on my anger issues. Although my anger has become a lot more manageable over the past few years, I'm not to the finish line. I generally can control myself. There are just certain things I still struggle with.

A huge trigger for my anger is my jealousy. I would really like to work on this. I have never had an issue with it until I met Joell.

Another thing I would like to work on is being a more obedient submissive. I use to be a very subservient person. I had a natural and beautiful submissive nature about me. I am not sure where or how I lost it. I have some guesses, but I don't think that matters. I just want to find that part of me again.

The last thing I would like to work on, and this is very new to me. I would like to grow in my spiritual side. When I finally decided that I'm an Atheist a couple years ago, I thought I had to let go all spiritual aspects of my life. To be honest, that really screwed me up. My anger issues came out ten fold, and my happiness slowly  obliterated.

So, last night I lent an ear to a person. I enjoyed doing this. I always try to listen to people's problems, and I always try to help them without doing it for them. It makes me feel happy to know I have helped someone in this way. It helps with my confidence and makes me smile to know I've helped someone this way.

My anger has got out of control lately. I was getting so much better. Burning Man somehow changed that. I am not sure why. I don't know where I crossed over. I've been so angry lately. My anxiety is over the roof. I am going to spend three days away from Joell, and it's making me extra clingy and posessive, and I hate it!

Intro

Hi! My name is Farrah. I am a switch; however, this blog is going to be about my submissive side. I am very much into AgePlay. I have such a playful personality. I like to party. I work hard, and I am very passionate about life.

I am hoping to become a better submissive. I have the desire and need to submit.  For the most part, I am very good at taking orders and respecting those that hav